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Have you ever experience a moment where you know that you were meant to be there for some reason?
Not too long ago, I came to this beautiful view of the Catskill Mountains and Hudson River.
I looked across this pond that was connected to the river, but it was in this cul-de-sac, almost.
I saw this girl there, sitting on a bench.
She had her knees pulled up to the bench she was sitting on and then she was extending her hands over her knees.
We continued to gaze at each other; she was under a weeping willow tree-- it was beautiful, SHE was beautiful.
I saw fish splashing, ripples tingling- the whole scene, it was picture perfect.
I looked back down at my book, then back up again.
Her head was turned toward me completely for the first time.
She was looking at me and I wondered “what are you thinking?"
What was she thinking- what was I thinking?
I really couldn’t tell what she looked like, but she seemed to dress nice and her skin looked soft.
The most I knew about her was that she wore a three quarter length skirt, black converse her hair was up and her hands-
Her hands were magnificent.
I saw the sunlight shining through her long extended fingers; she moved them like a dance.
It was freeing, she was freeing.
I should’ve gotten up and talked to her, but I didn’t want to ruin that perfect moment.
I never did learn her name, but I didn’t need to…
Here I am, once again,
Letting it all go and letting it all out.
I’ll carve you in stone, and bury you by night.
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2. |
You're There
03:59
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Deception/rejection, it all feels the same.
My heart takes the beating, my head gains the strength…
(boogie)
YOU’RE THERE!
These words keep ringing in my ear
I’ve walked throughout this town, but still your voice is all I hear
I WANT YOU!
Is the last thing that you said
Before I ran away—I ran away
(Step up, I fall back)
I hold my head in the clouds
And my heart in my hands
It keeps me safe and sound
It keeps me safe and sound
This city seems chaotic without you near
The buildings spit down on me as I look up in fear
That hand I held so dear…
My knees are weak, but I’m still standing
Heart lies flat, but still it’s pounding
There’s a weight that sits on my chest
I lie here and wait, but I cannot rest
My knees are weak, but I’m still standing
I lie here and wait, but I cannot rest
My problem is I’ve waited far too long
And have regret far too much
That I now beat what’s dead and overdue
To fix my faults and let go of you
(But I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying)
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3. |
New Hearts
03:49
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The steady sea plots the plan of bliss
Flowing through my veins to set a state of rest
And I just can’t do this again
But here I sit with this pad and this pen
So when I’m awoken by the crashing waves
I never check for rain, I never check for rain
I still feel alone with you in this home
Step back before you let me in
I don’t mean any harm, but i’ve been known to sin
So when I feel its real, I’ll lose the feel
My mind goes numb and my gut it rests
Save yourself the time, my heart is not even mine
Twelve months I gave to only walk out cold
I’ve burned bridges, but that didn’t warm my soul
I’m proud of who I am
But I can’t unlock this keep
Under this pile of my ash
I will find my relief
But I have tried it true
These hands were not made for you
Still with you on my mind
I don’t deserve this time
My heart is coming in new
It’s not ready to die
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4. |
New Day
03:31
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With the change of the seasons, I’m finding a change in me
As this cold winter breaks, this idea of you fades
But it’s taking too long, as feelings arise
I tread inside this mind back to the time I spent with you
You can say I win, that I stole your friends
But if you knew what I’d been through
And what I’d be willing to do
I swear you’d take it back
Let down your pride and see you’re not as alone as you think
Set sail and trust you won’t sink
I’ve had my share of failures but I still know I can swim
I’ve made a mistake
So I’ll let my heart talk
To tell you I love you
Nahhh, fuck it all, there’s no use in telling you
I hope these songs all reach you
To make clear what I have been through
Cold streets were the best that I’ve felt
Since you decided that you were in Hell
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5. |
New Circumstance
04:22
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Calm down, I need to rest my head
It’s five in the morning
The birds are out and I’m sick of groaning
You’ve been dancing in my head all night
To this beat that won’t subside
And I don’t want to fall asleep
Don’t wake me up before this dream ends
I’ve got no time left, the city’s calling my name, and no
I can’t let this pass without bearing the shame
It’s harsh I know, but it’s time I go
And between you and me,
We’ll share this key, a memory
To guide us to see when that cold wind blows, appreciate the lull
Oh, it’s been a mess and all I want is for my head to clear
But I don’t see it happening soon
So I look to you to resurrect this hope that’s been shot dead over, and over, and over.
I’ve picked my muse
To tell you this truth
The feeling is there
But my words come only few
So I finish this glass
To settle the voices
Goodbye, for now
I know what my choice is
Oh, I gotta thank you for being there
If I’m being sincere
You played a part to get me here
It’s all just bad timing
My dear…
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6. |
Faded Memory
04:27
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Twenty-four and unsure
Spending nights alone on the floor
When my phone rings
And it’s you
Do I pick it up? Pick it up?
Don’t you do it, not this time, give yourself some peace of mind
No, I can’t do this anymore.
This monotony has got the best of me
And I feel myself going insane
It’s inane in my brain
I cannot do this anymore
It’s like I’m talking to a corpse
You’re just a blanket that keeps me warm
I’m holding back again,
Darling, you mean nothing.
This will amount to nothing
These last two years were just a waste
You’re just another girl with a sweet face
Coupled with new loneliness, and lying on the floor
What makes this so hard is your love forevermore
It’s inane in my brain
I cannot do this anymore
It’s like I’m talking to a corpse
You’re just a blanket that keeps me warm
I’m holding back again
Darling, you mean nothing
Memories, they flee me, as you step foot out the door
You are no more
I’ve spent six months now trying to convince myself
That I’ve made the right choice
I just needed the right voice
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7. |
New Me
04:05
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FUCK!
This past year I sought to be someone else
Someone lower and far less appealing
I thought it’d raise my confidence
But I lost my common sense
I became my biggest hatred
I lost myself inside someone new
Made up of all the men I thought I looked up to
This 21st year, I left a shell of myself
I wound up dirty and cold, inside this bed all alone
I thought I wanted it all
Lost sight
You were it all along
Inside my head i run back up through Filmore Falls
I lost myself inside someone new
made up of all the men i thought i looked up to
this 21st year i left a shell of myself
i wound up dirty and cold inside this bed all alone
I am not my brother
I am not my friends
I am not the man society expects
I am me
I am I
I fall deep when I look in those eyes
I am scared and sometimes weak
But what I see in us is not so bleak
This song is for you
This song is for me
A tribute to those who’ve buckled at the knees
When confronted with happiness, a true state of bliss
Beware the greed that swoons with its kiss
You search for perfect to hide your fault
But it’s those scars that give love to your heart
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Ryan Major Syracuse, New York
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